Thursday, June 11, 2009


I feel like I have let myself down. I haven't been focused. It is so easy to forget your goals when you have so much going on around you. I have been eating without reservation lately. My workouts haven't been hard enough, long enough or consistent. I have gained a significant about of weight in the last 2 1/2 months and I feel like I am not myself anymore. I let all my hard work go down the drain. I am no longer excited to get dressed up, go out or even think about sporting a bikini.

I am admitting to this only because I am ready to make a change again. I wanna see the fat shed off of my body. I wanna flex my muscles again. I wanna feel like running 2 miles is easy.

This battle is 70% mental and 30% physical. I am gonna get out of it. I had a binge yesterday so I know I will weight a pound or more less tomorrow but my morning weigh-in was 143.8. Ugh, that was so hard to type.


  1. I can completely relate to what you are going through. It's been a mere 3 1/2 months since my wedding and I managed to gain about 10 pounds back and I feel disgusting. I love being married and being able to go out with my friends, have some drinks, eat late night pizza, because I passed on these things so consistently before the wedding.

    But enough is enough. You really can do it! You were so consistent before the wedding (I followed your old blog) so just reapply those principals. Eating clean too much to take on? Fine...some processed food isn't going to kill you. Just do what works for you!

  2. Ok, I know you feel like you've let yourself down. But really, think about it. You are working and you are moving (didn't you just buy a house?). Life gets crazy. That isn't an excuse but it is the reality of the situation. Cut yourself some slack and remember that each day, each meal, each moment is a chance to re-focus and make the best choice possible. Good luck!

  3. i would say more like 90% mental ;-) Forget the past and think only about the future...easier said than done, but you have to think positive and good things will come out of it!

  4. Thanks so much for all the support ladies! It really mean a lot. =)

  5. I feel like it was me typing that post. I actually just stumbled upon your blog and the second I read this post I knew I had found a new favorite blog After almost dying 3 years ago due to a digestive disorder (I admit I was beyond frail and looked like a todler even though I was 18), it is hard to think that I have gained over 60 pounds! I now weigh more than my Mom who is 3 inches taller than me..yikes! Trust me, I know I come from a "thin" family, but I have definately been the only on in my family who has EVER had to watch what they eat (got the bad genes from both sides whereas my brother got the good from each). Anyways, I feel like I keep making these great attempts to loose the diet books, set up shop in my apt, gym membership, etc...but I jsut end up binge eating 3 or 4 days in and it is SO HARD cuz then I just feel disgusted with myself so I eat more, feel even more ashamed, and sometimes even pop a laxative (cannot believe I just typed that out). Anyways, what I am trying to say is the past 3 years or so of my life have been beyond stressful (there is so much more life drama I have yet to include) and it is just nice to find someone I can relate to. I wish it just wasn't so hard to STAY motivated when that tub of ice-cream or bag of chips is starin me down!