Hair Nightmare

Looking back, I must have been drugged. I was in a really good mood this past Monday, driving to the gym, when an idea hit me like a brick smack in the head.

I picked up the phone and called my husband full of excitement. "Do you think Rico could cut my hair?!?!??! Nothing dramatic, just a side swipe bang?" Rico had been cutting my husband's hair for almost 2 years now and he won't go to anyone else. He was the best in my husband's eyes. So what did I picture when I thought "Rico"? Maybe a cool Latin dude in his 30s with a few pounds on him and some style. Maybe Rico Suave. I figured I would go in there and describe some looks, Alessandra Ambrosio perhaps.

My husband answered, "Ya, I guess he could give you some advice. He is still open if you wanna head over there right now." I quickly forgot my goal to do some intense cardio and made a huge U-turn to head the other way. I got to the "salon" and an old man greeted me. "Is Rico here?", I asked. Imagine my surprise when he told me he was Rico. I should have just left right there. He wouldn't know who Alessandra Ambrosio was. This guy must be pushing 80. But who was I to discriminate? Age means experience, right?

So I pull my dirty, semi-oily hair out of my ponytail and ask him what he thought about a side-swipe bang. I tell him that I have noticed my hair thinning a little bit, probably hormonal. He guided me to the chair to take a better look. He suggested taking 2 inches off to get some weight off and doing a layer in the front just below my chin. Hmmm, not really what I was asking for. I insisted only 1 inch be taken off. "Two", he exclaimed, "I know what I am doing." This guy was kinda pushy. Geez.

What made me say ok? I told you, I must have been DRUGGED! Just completely out of my mind.

So the guy washed my hair and then combed it straight down, using the kind of pressure that could leave scars on my scalp. He pulled out the kind of scissors that I would find in my garage. He just starts cutting straight across and around. Squinting as he goes. Squinting??!!???!!!? You gotta be kidding me. There were no fancy scissors or razor blades. There was no sectioning and pinning and lifting of the hair to make sure it was just right. Four minutes later, I was done. Ok, he says, "You are done. I am not going to dry it because then it will be more that $15." Yes, I got my $15 haircut. Thats exactly what it was. I don't think I have spent that since 1987, when I was 6 years old. The man had taken off a good 3 and 1/2 inches and I stairred at my short hair in disbelief.

I kept my composure and thanked the old man. He knew who my husband was. Frankie loves going to him and I didn't want to embarrass him from continuing to do so. "See you in 10 weeks", he exclaimed as I was leaving. Ummm, ya, I thought, now you have gotta be out of your mind.

As soon as I got into the car, I did what any other perfectly normal, 29 year old woman would do. I started crying and called one of my friends to vent about the tragedy that had just occured. When I got home I asked my husband what he was thinking. His response? "I kinda thought it might be a bad idea when we hung up but I guess I didn't think before I spoke.

Inspecting the haircut I noticed it was a lot worse than I thought. It was COMPLETELY uneven. 3 and 1/2 inch strands of longer hair poked out everywhere. One side was shorter than the other. I looked like one of the mushrooms from Super Mario Brothers.

Well, on Tuesday I went to a different salon and got it fixed. The girl had to take off a little more to make it even and then blend the front because of his layering. I still hate it. Plus this girl layered way too much. Now I do have a side-swipe bang from the amout of layering she had to do. My hair now sits about 1 inch below my shoulders. Ugh. I feel so un-sexy. These people had to strip away all of my sex appeal right before my trip.

Maybe tomorrow I will have some time to play with it. Right now I am headed to the gym for an amazing workout before my 12-hour shift.

The moral of this story ladies? Please don't get a $15 dollar haircut. Trust your instincts. Call a friend before you do anything wild and spontaneous. Call your husband back after he gives you advice so that he can think a little bit. And finally, when in doubt, go to the gym first.